Apparently is does come to you...or Be careful what you wish for.

Every year for the past three years I have applied to the SmallWorks show at 440 Gallery in Brooklyn. The first year (2009) I submitted three pieces and was happy to learn I was accepted. The work was strong and I felt confidant about the response I had received from the gallerists. The following two years I was not. I know the reason why I was not accepted last year-I had half-heartedly submitted three pieces that I wasn't really excited about, and for some reason, the ones I wanted to submit were no where to be found. Needless to say, about a month later, they turned up...they are small works.

This year, I submitted three strong pieces, a series that I've been developing for the last year. Like 2009, I felt confidant about the work and was certain I would be accepted to this small gallery for their annual show.

I wasn't.

For the past twenty years, I have been developing a visual language and making paintings to support that language. I've also put myself through grad school (twice), was trained in and taught Bikram Yoga for five years, taught art independently through non-profit arts organizations, waited tables to support my endeavors, including travel, and am currently teaching art at an amazing high school all the while making art work that I hope to share with the world. In that stretch of time, between now and then, I have shown my work at small galleries, at an international museum, and at artist run shows. I haven't had the time, nor the trust fund, nor the hipster cleverness (not mutually exclusive) to seek out or be sought out by a gallery. The 440 Gallery SmallWorks show was a glimmer of hope for a busy, overly productive person.

Now, there are a lot of factors that are involved in the selection of artists for a specific show and one of them is the curator. He or she may have a specific vision for the show and the harsh reality is that one's work may not fit in with their vision. It doesn't necessarily mean that the work isn't good, it just means that one person is deciding your fate.

When I wasn't accepted for the 2011 SmallWorks show, I reacted in a multitude of ways. First, I was angry. I felt that it must have been a because the work wasn't good and I questioned the competence of the curator and their ability to recognize good work when they see it. I dismissed this emotion the minute it reared its ugly head because I know the work is strong and that comes from years of doing the same thing.

Second emotion: sadness. I really wanted to participate in a show and this was the easiest way for someone who doesn't have to time to seek out a gallery to exhibit work. Ultimately, I kicked the dust away after I realized that this wasn't the be all end all.

Third: overt resourcefulness. I vowed that I would find a space myself, that I would look for a gallery to start a collective with friends in the same situation. After my last entry, sad to say, my job has gotten the better of me, taking me away from my goal, taking me instead to professional developments, meetings with ICP and taking over the after-school photo program at my school, grading, and helping with re-writing the curriculum for the art department . Needless to say, I was being pulled farther and farther away from my dream. About two weeks later and much to my surprise, I received an email from the folks at 440 Gallery offering me the opportunity to exhibit my work at a pop-up gallery in the same neighborhood with the possibility of the gallery becoming a permanent fixture as an artists collective. They alerted me and other artists they respect to a beautiful unoccupied rental space in need of tenants.

My immediate response was yes, of course. I'm hoping to be involved artistically or financially or both, becoming part of the collective, finally having a repository for my work and the work of like-minded individuals. I suppose that the laws of attraction were at work here. My lesson, (as if I didn't already know this) if you want something bad enough, take action and it will come to you. Indeed, indeed it has.

I'll keep you posted on the follow through.